What to Look for in an LGBTQ-Friendly Online Coach
Five things that separate a coach who gets it from a coach who says they are inclusive.
When I went to college, frat bro culture was the dominant version of masculinity, which came with hypermasculinity and misogyny. Even popular trans men’s fitness accounts at the time seemed to embody the same thing. As a non-binary trans masc person, I didn’t feel like I fit into the cis guy fitness space or the trans guy one.
I couldn’t find the type of coach that I wanted. Someone who saw fitness as more than physique change, who took holistic health seriously, and who understood there is more than one way to relate to your body.
This inspired me to be the coach I couldn’t find when I most needed it.
How is this different?
We all build muscle the same way, regardless of gender or sexuality. What’s important to understand is the difference in how:
Queer and trans people relate to fitness
How we relate to our bodies.
You deserve a coach who is willing to dig deep, get to know you, and provide a safe space to share what you really want from your fitness journey.
Here are the top 5 qualities you should look for in a high-quality online LGBTQ+ coach:
Empathetic Listening
It’s important when choosing an LGBTQ+ online coach that they’re skilled in empathetic listening: listening without distraction or judgment, with the intent to understand what the other person is going through and what their needs are.
Some signs that your coach is empathically listening:
Their focus stays on you, no wandering eyes.
They nod, and their expressions match what you are telling them.
They reflect back what you said to check they understood.
They do not talk over you or at you, because they know you are the expert on your own body.
Your coach should truly listen to your experiences and how that’s affected you, that way, they can better understand you and give you the coaching you deserve!
Trauma Informed
Unfortunately, trauma is common within the LGBTQ+ community. Research has found that LGBTQ+ people are more likely to have PTSD than straight/cis people (Marchi et al., 2023), and the rates of eating disorders are higher, particularly among trans men (The Trevor Project, 2022).
Trauma can show up as executive dysfunction or nervous system dysregulation, which affects how you show up in the gym, how you eat, and how you care for yourself.
Here is that difference in practice, for someone with a history of an eating disorder:
If you have a history with disordered eating
| A coach who is not trauma-informed | A coach who is trauma-informed |
|---|---|
| Creates a rigid meal plan with heavy tracking. | Skips rigid meal plans and heavy tracking. Goes in depth on your relationship with food, and offers alternatives to tracking that still move you toward your goals. |
A trauma-informed coach also knows where coaching ends. If you are working with a therapist, dietitian, or doctor, a good coach wants to work alongside them rather than around them. Coaching supports your care, it does not replace it.
Curious About Who You Are & What Your Goals Mean
Your goals are yours, and a good coach wants to know what they mean to you. Coaching is not one size fits all, which is why our team includes coaches with different personalities, approaches, and skill sets.
Knowing the “why” behind your fitness goals can:
Help you unlock intrinsic motivation.
Help you clarify goals.
Have a clearer path to success
The why behind your goals
| Scenario | You tell a coach you want to get stronger and work on mobility. |
|---|---|
| Your why | You are a photographer, and you want the strength to carry your equipment without help or breaking a sweat. |
| What your coach does with it | Your coach now understands what motivates you, and will program your workouts around getting you there. |
It’s not just about getting buff, it’s about feeling affirmed in your gender identity and developing a good relationship with your body!
Doesn’t Make Assumptions
We never make assumptions here because as queer and trans folks ourselves, we know that what’s “masculine” or what’s “feminine” means different things to different people.
Maybe you identify as femme, but you wanna be a muscle mommy with big biceps.
Maybe you’re non-binary trans masc, and building a strong V-taper that’s considered “traditionally masculine” by outside standards helps you feel more confident expressing femininity or androgyny with more gender euphoria.
We believe in body autonomy and view all goals as valid. We will support you in reaching them healthily and sustainably.
Ability to be Transparent and Collaborative
Most of my clients have told me that they don’t feel comfortable telling the trainers at their gym about their gender identity or sexuality, let alone how it connects to their health goals. Working with an LGBTQ+ coach can remove that barrier. We expand what you can accomplish because we understand what you’re going through and relate to you on a deeper level.
Your coach should be collaborative, which means:
Working with your coach
| What it should not look like | What collaboration actually looks like |
|---|---|
| Your coach talking at you in sessions. | Sessions are a back-and-forth conversation. |
| Your coach telling you to just go do it. | You walk away with takeaway action steps. |
| Holding back from your coach. | The more honest you are, the more you get out of the program. |
| A one-size-fits-all approach. | A plan built with you, so you gain confidence from being part of the process. |
Think of it like you’re the captain of the ship, and we’re the expert navigator. You say where you want to go, we know the best way to get there. We are a team!
Finding Your Coach
I became a trainer who focuses on holistic health and sustainable habits, and who leaves hypermasculinity and gender expectations at the door.
The trans, non-binary, and queer fitness community has grown so much that choosing a coach can feel overwhelming. I hope this makes it easier. Look for someone who listens, who is trauma-informed, who stays curious, who does not assume, and who works with you rather than at you.
If that sounds like what you are looking for, our team of queer and trans coaches works with people at every stage. Learn more about our coaching on our Online Coaching page, or book your free consultation here.
Sources:
Marchi, M., et al. (2023). Post-traumatic stress disorder among LGBTQ people: a systematic review and meta-analysis. Epidemiology and Psychiatric Sciences, 32, e44. https://doi.org/10.1017/S2045796023000586
The Trevor Project. (2022). Eating Disorders among LGBTQ Youth. https://doi.org/10.70226/YAMY7874